It was Christmas. My favorite time of the year, life was as I thought it should be. I was laying on my parents' sofa watching the Christmas tree lights through squinted eyes (I know I'm not the only one who does this) -- :) -- everything was "picture perfect" - or so I thought.
In the next few minutes everything changed. I found out that a vicious lie had been told -- by people and to people who had a whole lot more influence than I had ever hoped to have. What I was accused of was beyond absurd - but it had been told and repeated with absolute authority - even with that righteous sounding tag: "The Lord told me this..."
I am aware that people saying things about you is just part of life. And for the most part I have the attitude that if they're talking about you, then they've chosen a good subject to talk about :).
But when the lies are vicious and told by people of influence and position and with spiritual sounding purpose - it can knock the wind out of your sails, leave you feel vulnerable and violated.
I will not tell you that I responded correctly. That would be a complete lie. I was hurt, angry - downright mad. And to make matters worse, I had to see those who had said these things every time I went to church.
I am grateful that during this time amazing friends came to my defense. The old adage about a friend who is your friend when you're in need -- is a friend indeed -- is so true. There are no words to express how much I continue to love and cherish their friendship.
However, my attitude was horrible. I stood on the platform each service, front row center of the choir - staring them down, glaring - and hate to say it, if they had dropped dead I probably would have rejoiced right there. I was right, they were wrong, and they needed to pay for what they had done.
By experience I can tell you that hate will consume you before you know it. Hate and bitterness will wrap you like a shroud and bind you more than any straightjacket. And worst of all, it will isolate you from the presence of the One whose love and forgiveness and healing you are so desperately needing.
One Sunday night - standing in the choir staring down my accusers - and feeling so lonely and isolate from the presence of God -- I do not remember the song the choir was singing, but in the middle of the song, the Father brought back the lyrics of another song:
Praise the Lord, He can work through those who praise Him
Praise the Lord, for our God inhabits praise
Praise the Lord, for the chains that seem to bind you
Serve only to remind you
They drop powerless behind you
When you praise Him!
At that moment I knew I had to make a decision. I could hold onto my justifiable anger and hatred - and as a result continue to be bound and isolated from the presence of God. OR I could release the anger and the hurt into the faithful hands of the Father and choose to worship Him -- because regardless of who had done what against me He had never failed me or let me down.
Fortunately I chose the second option. I began to worship, releasing everything I had been holding onto. And immediately, His presence swept over me. I felt the embrace of everlasting arms, and the confidence in His absolute sovereignty.
It was not overnight, but in time I saw the Father transform that ugly chapter into astounding blessing. Those who had hurt me so deeply became some of my strongest supporters. As much as I had been wounded by them, they became the source of great blessing and strength. Only God.
Father, I thank You for the power of forgiveness, that as I chose to forgive those who have offended me, in my being forgiving, I find your forgiveness.
I thank You for the power of worship and praise. That no matter how things look, because You inhabit my praise, I can always encourage myself in the Lord (Psalm 22:3; 1 Samuel 30:6)
Thank You for turning mourning into dancing and sorrow into Joy over and over and over again. (Psalm 30:11)
Today, I worship You because You are YOU :)
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